Fall break of 2025. It was one hell of a weekend, to say the least. Probably one of the hardest I’ve had since starting this journey. We had one child go to what will hopefully be his forever home. Watching him leave today hurt more than I expected. The hardest part was seeing no emotion in his eyes as he walked away. That was really hard for me. I’ve built a real relationship with this kiddo over the past year. I’m so happy for him, though. Wish him the best,
Starting off a week of vacation, one of my girls had a relapse. We waited, argued, waited some more, and finally got her into the car — only for her to nonstop bash me in front of the other kiddos. It hurt. I may have said some things I shouldn’t have. I cried for half the trip here.
After we got to the house, I dropped everyone off, unpacked, and left to be alone at the beach for a while. I stayed there a few hours. Honestly, who can stay upset and mad at the beach? Sitting there alone, I kept trying to convince myself that what happened today wasn’t really about me. It was her — hurting, embarrassed, and scared. She couldn’t talk about it because it brought back the same feelings that make her lose control. Does she like it? No. Does she want to feel that way? I don’t think so. Every harsh word that came out wasn’t really meant for me — it was her trying to make sense of her own pain, trying to feel okay for just a moment. These days aren’t easy. They break me a little sometimes. But somehow, things always find a way to settle again. Are there days I want to give up? Yes I do. I hate feeling this way But giving up on them would hurt even more, I believe.
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